Marriage was designed to be heaven on earth but if you do the following things consistently, you will be sure to have a marriage from hell!
1. Not giving God His place in your home:
God is to be acknowledged in our homes , not just in church. You need to pray to Him and have consistent fellowship with him. You need to put him first as our Creator, Provider, Problem-Solver. When you do that, you have guidance from above. Additionally, the more you acknowledge God in your home, the more Christlike you will become in your interactions with your spouse. Do not make the mistake of thinking that God is meant confined to the four walls of whatever building you gather with others to worship in. Do not shut him out of your home and go back to business as usual.
2. Not forgiving:
If you do not forgive your spouse, your marriage is headed for the rocks. Forgiving someone does not mean pretending they did not do something wrong. It means accepting their sincere apology (sometimes you have to make up your mind to forgive them, even before they apologize); not holding the offense against them and not seeking vengeance of some sort. It also means releasing your spouse from what they “owe” you for any wrong doings. It is said that a perfect marriage is not made up of two perfect people, but it is made up of two great forgivers. In addition to forgiving, you should be able to accept forgiveness for your own wrongdoings too. You should be willing to offer a sincere apology for your own part in whatever matter there is at hand.
3. Communication breakdown:
Talk, talk, talk! Talk until you are blue in the face. Talk about everything! Even if you are angry with each other, the communication lines should be left open. Am I saying this is easy? Of course not. It is however, worth it. If you are constantly giving each other “the silent treatment” or if every single one of your disagreements degenerates into a screaming match, your communication has broken down. Seek help! Read books, talk to a counsellor, do everything you have to do to to restore you communication. I highly recommend Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus.
4. Pride:
Pride kills marriages. You have to be teachable, flexible and not stuck in your ways in order to be a good wife/husband. No, you are not always right, about everything. “I love you”, “I am sorry”, “Thank you”, should be frequent words in your home. Realize that your spouse will change and so will you; and change may not always be for the better. You need to be able to adapt to your spouse. Your high horse will not serve you if your spouse gets tired of your prideful ways.
5. Selfishness:
Selfishness and marriage do not go together. Personally, I think selfishness is the number one enemy of marriages. You HAVE to put the other person first. You have to consider them in all that you do. From little things like not eating the last piece of cake, to major things like issues related to finances. When you said, “I do”, and signed on that dotted line, you signed away all your rights to selfishness. If you are single, and you are not ready to literally give your life up for another person, please think twice before you make a living hell of another human being’s life.
What other marriage “no-nos” can you think of ? Follow us on Twitter @WhelmThe